Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My life is pants optional.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
