she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
