im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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