bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
