Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
