it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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