I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
