if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
