I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
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I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
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You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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