I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
