I have demons in me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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