Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
