this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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