You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
