After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
