party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
