it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
