why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
