She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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