his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
