I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
