Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
