I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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