Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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