Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
