It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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