Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize