Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
