Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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