my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
