I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
