I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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