She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
