tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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