he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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