can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
