True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
