tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
