If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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