They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
