I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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