I wish I only lived at night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
