Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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