I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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