Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
