he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
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