Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
