I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
