i just had sex bonerless
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
