He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
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The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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