Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
