Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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