so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
