i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
