You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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