I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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