She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
