the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
