yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
