How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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