Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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