his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
