He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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