ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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