college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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