i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
