Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
