Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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