I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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