the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
