You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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