y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
