Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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