i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
