you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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