her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
