Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
