do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
