if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how do flat chested girls get laid?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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