Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
