Dual....:-)
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
