i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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