I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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