so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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