i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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